I cannot lie to you, readers, I am exhausted. Right now in particular, I am very tired and also stinky because I haven’t showered or put on deodorant today. I’m giving myself big time early pandemic vibes with this lack of self-care, but sometimes that’s what the mood is and on this rainy day, that is the mood.
What a week! I start a new job soon and it’s been a rollercoaster of tying up loose ends and generally getting my shit together. I’m feeling excited and sad and ready and not and eager and anxious and mostly grateful grateful grateful.
It’s also been a rollercoaster because I’ve been doing a lot of talking this week, a lot of explaining myself. Which makes sense given the fact that I had news to share, but it’s also reminded me that I am an introvert honey and I need my time alone to sit and speak to no one. And I know that probably comes as a SURPRISE to some readers who are out there thinking, “but lily’s so chatty and friendly, how is that possible? Also she’s the hottest woman I’ve seen in my life” (omg, reader!) I am a friendly person, I like to think, but also I’m fueled by anxiety and a desire to be liked so where that comes from we’ll never know! But either way, all of the interacting is part of the reason I’m feeling so wiped. But it’s good! It really is, I’m grateful to be wiped for this reason and not some other reason like depressionne. ;P
But also… I feel like I’m always low key wiped? I feel like that’s perhaps what adulthood is?! A never-ending list of responsibilities that, no matter how much you get done in a day, never seems to be fully completed?!?! Tig Notaro on her podcast said that you’ll never feel caught up in life and I’ve thought about that a lot. It’s true! I always feel like there’s something I haven’t done in any given day: exercised, gotten groceries, did laundry, eaten normal food, cleaned, made a dentist appointment, paid a bill, had enough water, slept, talked to my family, caught up on my shows, sat up straight how does literally anyone do it?!?!?! I guess people simply don’t and that’s what life is! What’s coming to mind is the age-old question of CaN wE HaVe It AlL and of course we can’t. Who the hell thought we could??? It shouldn’t come as a surprise to me then - it being this pattern of life - but of course it does because I’m 25. I basically just popped out of the womb (she says after spiraling that she’s already getting wrinkles and impulse buying $55 worth of serums).
Anyway, all this to say that life? Is a highway :) and you know what I think I’m gonna do? I think I’m gonna ride it. All, night, long :)
Did I literally talk about anything in this newsletter I do not know. Either way, here are some photos from this past week. I did my friend Reid’s show on Sunday where I wrote a character who was a closeted gay teen and made one of those bar mitzvah dedications to his friend Jeffrey Epstein (no relation). Here’s the sign, does anyone want it I literally don’t know what to do with it.
The show was so fun, I love comedy :’)
In other news, I’ve had ice cream pretty much every day this week sooooo you could say I’m thriving!!!! Here’s a pic of besties Emily and Kristina at The Social, I love those little hooligans!!!!
That’s all for now! Thanks for reading!
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