You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation!
This setup would actually work if you could see an image of the situation I’m about to describe, but unfortunately, I don’t have an image, and if I did, it’d be NSFW, so you’re not getting one. But, I will paint a detailed picture through the vivid imagery of my prose and you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks. That’s what good writing is SUPPOSED TO DO AFTER ALL! I WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR!!!!
The situation I’m about to describe? Well, I’ll describe it right now. Are you ready? Here I go. Describing.
It was a Monday evening. Monday, January 3rd to be exact. I was working from home and had spoken to approximately zero people IRL, so I was going a bit crazy. Thus, it made sense to me to venture into Manhattan on a dark and cold night because my cousin asked me to water her plants. “Why not!” I thought. “It’s an excuse to get out of the house!!!” (the amount of times I use that logic makes me feel deeply pathetic *kissy face*)
Anyway, I was happy to do it and happy to get out of the house (apartment). Maybe it was the improviser in me (an annoying yes-and-er) or maybe it was my tendency to make things more difficult for myself, but I decided if I was going into Manhattan, might as well make the most of it!!! If I was going downtown, I might as well go to my parents’ place on the Upper West Side and use the Peloton and do some laundry! Why not!!!!! It was only an extra 30 mins on the train plus a couple extra hours for biking and eating and showering and laundry!!!!! That logic makes total sense!!!!!
Does anyone know why I do this to myself? Does anyone know why I make things seem like a good idea when they are clearly a waste of time, energy, money, or all of the above??? Is it delusion? Or is it just a quirky little trait of mine that no man will ever understand, no matter how hard he tries — until the right one comes along, that is, and he clearly gets that these quirks are not unnecessary, annoying little habits, but they’re what make me, me, and (if you can believe it) that’s…………… what he loves about me?
Aww, I sure hope a man will deem me worthy of love one day. :]
ANYWAY, yes, I decided to schlep a rolly suitcase full of dirty laundry to the plants, then to a Sweetgreen uptown, then finally to my parents’ place, where I shoved them frustratedly into the washing machine. I was frustrated because I did this to myself and I was hungry and tired and I was sweaty but also cold because it was winter in New York.
But, I was committed so I followed through (there’s that improv bitch again). I got on the Peloton and did a quick 20 mins. I always hate eating when I’m sweaty because I get cold, so even though I was starving, I decided to take a shower first. But before I did that, I put my clothes in the dryer, hoping that by the time I got out, they’d almost be done and I could skedaddle back to Brooklyn (oh did I not mention, I wasn’t gonna spend the night? Why? Oh, I don’t know some bullshit about sleeping in my own bed, who knows. I like to keep it interesting for you and me both I guess).
When I came out of the shower, I was starving. Lucky for me, I had food right in the fridge! Unlucky for me, my clothes were either soaked in sweat or still in the dryer. Well, I thought, I guess I could just sit in my towel and eat while I unwound with the Bachelor. Oh wait, I forgot, I was also on Day 2 of my period, which meant the Diva Cup didn’t quite cut it coverage-wise and I didn’t trust myself to sit down on my parents’ nice white furniture (even in a towel).
So that’s how I ended up standing naked in front of the TV, eating a salad I didn’t realize had tofu, not chicken, listening to Clayton talk about… I don’t even know, football? His mom? Is he the gay one? This salad would taste a lot better with chicken :(
I told this story to a friend the other day and tried to pass it off as another “crazy New York scenario where you don’t realize how you ended up somewhere, but somehow, you did.” Looking back at the details of this night, it’s actually very clear how I ended up there: through a series of ridiculous choices that I made.
Hopefully there will be a man who comes into my life one day and helps me and everyone at home realize that those ridiculous choices are just part of my charm :)
Until then, I guess I’m left to be a meaningless object devoid of any purpose or identity :’)
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