I’ve known my friend Michelle since ~2010 and in our 11+ year friendship we have, I think, one picture together. It’s from 2013 when Michelle was a senior and I was a junior and it was taken at the Millburn High School Speech and Debate end-of-year banquet. It is, objectively, bad. I am crouching over, trying to pose how the hot girls did, and thinking that the “new thing I was trying with my hair” (aka tucking the clip I used every day behind my ear instead of on top of my head) was really interesting. Michelle and I are standing awkwardly, like we’re colleagues at a holiday party and not very dear friends. THIS is the photo that represents our friendship:
I actually think it’s great for that purpose. Michelle and I have spent lots of time together over the years, but that time is spent mostly laying in one of our bed’s, watching youtube videos and shitting on men who’ve wronged us. Why would I need a photo for stuff I’ll never forget about (watch your back).
Anyone who knows Michelle knows that she is crazy smart, funny, compassionate, honest, and, it bears repeating, ridiculously smart (I used to try to remember big words so that I could use them casually in conversation around her, the same way she did with everyone else). I love her for all those things and more, and when she gets married, I’ll list out all the reasons why she is the best person on earth, but for now I’m thinking about friendship in general, and why my friendship with Michelle has lasted for all these years.
Invisibilia is doing a series on friendship and I’m eating it up because I’m all about analyzing friend dynamics and understanding how people interact with each other. I’ve had friendships come and go throughout my tiny little life, just like everyone, and no matter how many times it happens, it always bums me out. I love my friends! I want good friendships to stay that way forever! There’s no reason they shouldn’t! I’m still me and you’re still you and everything will stay just the way it is right now. Which of course isn’t true. People change, places change, things change all the time. As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to accept this more and more and I’ve learned to put effort into the relationships that I want to maintain for a long time. Relationships take work, just like everything!
Which is funny because my friendship with Michelle has felt like one of the easiest ones I’ve had. We understand each other pretty instinctively and support each other pretty unflinchingly and I feel very grateful for that dynamic. Of course that’s not to say we’ve never disagreed or been annoyed at each other, but at the end of the day, we’re always on each other’s team. I never feel worried that that piece will change.
That is really so amazing to me! Because it’s not like we haven’t changed either. I mean compare us now to that picture from 8 years ago, it’s obvious! But what I really love about this friendship is that we’ve been able to grow together. The groom at a wedding I went to said this to his wife at the ceremony, and the phrase really stuck with me. I couldn’t tell you what exactly has given us the space to grow together and separately, but that’s what’s happened. As we’ve understood ourselves more, we’ve been able to understand each other more. We’ve gotten new jobs, new partners, new roommates, new cats and through it all, we’ve stayed on the same team. And that is love! Big time love!! How lucky I am to love Michelle and to feel her love myself!!!
That’s really all I have to say. Why am I writing about dear Michelle this week? Well I saw her on Sunday and met her beautiful cat Paloma (named after Jia Tolentinos’ baby) and that’s really all there is to it.
THANK YOU MICHELLE INVITE ME OVER FOR SIMS SOMETIME SOON LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST HUNG OUT!!!! ILY!!!
here’s me and P:
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