My Fridge is That of a College Boy
Good afternoon from the weirdest weather day I’ve ever seen. It was cloudy this morning even though it was supposed to be sunny and then it started hailing (?) for like 5 minutes even though it’s April and then it got sunny for REAL and then goddess (I said that) said “psych!” and made it pour for another five minutes and now it’s a brisk but sunny spring day just like it was supposed to be. What is happening!!! Goddess must be on her period or something. Women be crazy!!!!
This week has been pretty busy for me, not gonna lie. I went back into the office for the first time in months and saw many of my coworkers for the first time and it was fun and overwhelming and exciting and everything! (Speaking of everything, I saw “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once” on Tuesday and I haven’t been able to shut up about it no matter how infrequently people give a shit. It was (here I go again) truly the best movie I’ve ever seen in my life and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I saw it. I would try to describe how moved I was by the movie, how much it touched me, how I felt truly e v e r y t h i n g (as promised by the title), but I can barely even put those feelings into words and I don’t know how many of you would like to read a newsletter that is just :sob: :sob: :sob: :sob:. Anyway, everyone must see this movie, it could save us all?!?!?!?!?!)
Back to me and my little pursuits: I went back into the office this week and because of that, ate most of my meals away from home. In the past two years, I’ve found myself on a general two-week grocery routine, which, let me tell you, is unsustainable and disappointing. Most of the time, I would go to Trader Joes early in the week, stock up on fresh food for maybe a week and then get a bunch of frozen food and snacks and what not and run up a stupid bill for all my little treats. Then, I would plow through the fresh food in the first week, and I’d feel so wiped out from doing such a big haul already that I would actively refuse to go grocery shopping again. So, I’d eat like shit the next week and then force myself to go back to Trader Joes and I’d do it all again. It was a hellish existence. Sisyphus and his little rock was me and my little cart in TJs.
I tried to break this pattern and just make smaller runs more frequently, but that was also exhausting! Being an adult is just running out of shit and having to do the same thing over and over; it’s all exhausting!!! Which is why, when I heard that we frequently have free food at work, I jumped for freaking joy. Free food itself is a gift to behold, but also it makes the daunting task of dealing with my groceries seem less intimidating. Maybe now I would be free!!!
Of course that is not true, because when I opened up my fridge today (Saturday), I essentially saw this:
Some wrinkly tomatoes (that I did eat), old sliced turkey (that I also ate), a browning onion (that I bit into like an apple) (jk) and, yes, sauces. Am I proud of this? I wouldn’t really say yes. A fully stocked fridge is the sign of a well-adjusted adult, right? And I’ve made it evidently clear to myself and those who read this silly little newsletter that that is now who I am. But a SICK and TWISTED part of me is also like… ok yes bitch! Eat through that food, you go!!! Everything in there cost money that I earned, and any time I throw out food, I feel a massive amount of guilt, not just for the money that I wasted but also for the food that could have been eaten!! So on the weeks when I really clean it all out, I do feel satisfied. It’s like watching those videos where pool cleaners clean out disgusting pools. At first you’re like “how did this happen??” and then you’re like “damn, but kinda impressive low key.”
Anyway yes, the state of my fridge is an embarrassment but also a source of pride? Things can be two things at once, that’s one of the many lessons I learned in Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, now in theaters. It’s hard to find stability in any part of your life when everything feels so uncertain, but I’m trying. Hopefully that trying will lead to a fridge that I feel, at the very least, trusting of.
I’m getting antsy because goddess is back on her bullshit and has turned today into a glorious and sunny day and I want to be outside. I think ultimately, that’s the conclusion of this newsletter: try your best and see that movie. And? Don’t forget to smile. :)
Did you like this newsletter? I hope you did. If you didn’t, that’s ok too, but you can keep that to yourself.
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend! Big kiss on mouth!!!