There are very few people in this world who know me as well as my therapist does. That’s not only because she knows all my many secrets and sins, but also because she’s been in my life for over thirteen years now. That’s insane!! I’m sorry to come out as a young person, but that’s basically half of my life. I can count on one hand the number of people who’ve known me that long and most of them are related to me by blood. Maybe my therapist is actually my aunt??? It’d explain how she remembers everyone’s names so quickly.
I love my therapist (Penny). She’s been with me through every major moment of my young adult life (young brag again). She gives me big hugs every time I see her IRL and she is wonderful and sweet. The best part is I know absolutely nothing about her. It’s the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in because I literally pay her. Should we be paying our friends? Something to consider…
If Penny had asked me when I was twelve what I thought my life would be like at 25, I would have stared straight ahead and been completely silent (I hated therapy as a kid). If any of my friends at that time had asked me the same question, I probably would have said “first chair clarinet in the New York Philharmonic Orchestra” or “starting center midfield in the US women’s field hockey team” or “at home with my two kids and loving husband in my Upper West Side brownstone” or something completely insane like that.
When I was twelve, I thought everything would stay the same forever. I knew I’d get older and leave my hometown, but I never imagined my interests would change, my friends would change, my hairstyle would change. I wore the same clip in my hair every day for six years because I was so sure that it was THE look for me. And when kids would pick on me for it, I would fight BACK because that’s how self assured I was (jk I would smile politely, thank them for their feedback and then cry to my American Girl Doll).
A decade+ removed from tweendom, I now know the truth that lots of things change, that nothing stays the same forever. Maybe that’s why I feel such a fondness for my therapist (apart from the fact that she saves me weekly). It’s always been the same. Things don’t change between us, just around us.
But is that even true? I used to really resent her and now I’d give a kidney to the woman. Nothing ever stays the same in life, even something as rock solid as a therapist-client relationship (which is famously right up there next to diamonds on the unbreakable chart). I certainly don’t want anything to remain as it is for all eternity. I think the most and best I can hope for in this life is for things to change with me, for people to grow in similar directions as I do.
Maybe this newsletter is vague and wistful, but there’s been a lot of heaviness this month and this is what’s on my mind. Again, you get what you pay for here.
I think that’s all for now. Thanks for reading and hope everyone’s taking care of themselves. Heart.
Great piece!