Dear Diary,
…
JUST KIDDING!!! Wow, you all thought I had confused my newsletter for my diary and was about to accidentally publish something super personal and revealing, didn’t you!? I got your asses. You should see the look on your face right now, it’s priceless. I can see it because I’m right behind you.
LOL got you again!!! It’s too easy with you guys!
Also, for the record, I don’t have a “diary” I have a journal. They’re very different. In a diary you ask inane little things like “why doesn’t the boy I like like me back?” In a journal you ask bigger, deeper questions like “do I have an anxious attachment style because that boy I liked didn’t like me back?” It’s sophisticated, which is what I am.
I’m feeling a little unhinged today. I went on facebook today out of genuine interest in what my internet friends were posting, so something must be terribly wrong. Facebook really did die in 2018, didn’t it? At least that’s how it felt to me. That’s when Facebook became instagram and instagram became TikTok and TikTok became the ambient noise in everyone’s brains!!!
I honestly don’t have much to discuss right now, sweet readers (there, you did get some honest vulnerability out of me after all). I’ve had a lovely last two weeks: I was in the Berkshires eating cheese and fresh veggies and then I was in New York getting swamp ass the minute I stepped outside. It’s been epic. I had a weird encounter on the bus ride back from the Berkshires to NYC, wherein a creepy man was making eyes and strange gestures towards me and Al. Unfortunately there were no other open seats apart from one right in front and diagonally across from him. Al braved the seat in front and when I asked the stranger next to me if he wouldn’t mind switching so Al and I could sit together, he shouted: “MISS. YOU KNOW, SOMEONE ASKED ME THIS THE OTHER DAY. NO. I GOT HERE FIRST.”
Ummmmm sir… are you ok??? A simple no would have sufficed! He was truly so offended, it was like I asked him how he got so ugly. (I’m allowed to call him ugly he was such an asshole). (Also, once again, this is my newsletter, I’m allowed to do whatever tf I want).
But I, being the conflict-avoidant, people-pleasing, anxious gorl that I am, of course said absolutely nothing to this outburst and looking back, I’m frankly pissed!!! I would have loved to hit him with a harsh comeback or at the very least a bitchy sound. No! I simply made a weird face under my mask and then turned away (and then had to sit next to the guy for three hours!!! Buses are really the stuff of nightmares). In the days since, I’ve had lots of time to consider what better responses could have been in that moment. Here are a few that I wish I had said:
Ok flex! Snag that window seat in front of the bathroom, king! Get those feces flecks all up in your nostrils you maskless macho man! Slay!
Ha ha. Fuck you.
Was the person who “asked you the other day” your ex-wife asking to sit with her new Chris Hemsworth-lookalike husband? That’s the only other situation where I’d have sympathy for you having to move literally two feet.
Also how many buses are you taking that you’re getting this question all the time? Take a train, bro, they’re literally cheaper.
“You got here first” but I called dibs on both of those seats from the line outside, so jokes on you.
Ok… SOMEONE’S a little hungry!!!
Any/all of these would have been appropriate and I did cycle through them and many other expletive-laden insults on the journey back. Instead I was the “bigger person” and just stewed in silence. Sometimes I do think I’m tough but then shit like this happens and I’m like oh I am… absolutely terrified of everyone all the time.
Very cool to discover!
I think that’s all for now. Thanks for reading and you go on and have yourself a wonderful Monday.
XO!