Another week in the can and it looks like your life is just as fucked up as it was seven days ago. Work was grueling, you barely slept last night, and although you just did laundry an hour ago, the bin is somehow full again. Your life is in shambles, but luckily, there’s an easy hack that can fix everything: just grab your phone, open up TikTok and get scrolling. Before you know it, it’ll be 2am and you’ll be ready for bed again.
Just like that! It’s so easy to handle your problems by looking at your phone. While a task may seem insurmountable at one point, it can quickly fade into the background after spending four or six hours watching teens dance with their friends. What a great stress reliever!
Scrolling on your phone is great for handling all types of situations: household chores, relationship conflict, even personal regret. Remember how you made a goal to read one book a month, yet halfway into 2022, you’re still only 50 pages into the novel you started in January? Grab that phone and get to work! There’s only one way to fix this issue and it’s to find 300 videos of people sharing deeply personal stories while throwing clay. Soon, that whole “reading” thing will become a distant memory. If you’re lucky, you might even forget you know how to read! Even better!
It’s important to build up the habit of staring at your phone during moments of stress. Practice makes perfect, so be sure to work on reaching for it at every possible moment. The more high-stakes, the better: mid-conversation at a sit-down dinner, in a meeting with your boss, anytime crucial information is being shared in a movie. The quicker you grab your phone on a daily basis, the easier it will be for you to manage your responsibilities.
It may seem daunting, but a little bit can go a long way. And the best part is, scrolling on your phone will be available to you for the rest of your life, so you’ll never have to worry about handling a task ever again! What a miracle!
So stop going crazy over your mounting to-do list, and START queuing up videos of dogs meeting babies. It’s the only sure-fire way to make your problems feel like something you saw in a dream, or more realistically, a nightmare.
So get going! And if you’ve already been scrolling this whole time, great job!