In life, there is nothing as beautiful as a Twix Bar. With Halloween around the corner, I’ve been eating a lot of candy, and after thinking about this long and hard, I’d like to state definitively: Twix Bars are the champions. They are works of art second to none. Mona Lisa and Starry Night both tried their best, but they came nowhere close to the Twix Bar. Its decadent coating is unmatched. Its texture incomparable. It is more than just a candy bar. I have come to discover that in life, there is nothing as beautiful as a Twix Bar.
There is power in the makeup of a Twix Bar. It could have just been a biscuit. It could have been a biscuit dipped in chocolate. It could EVEN have been a biscuit dipped in caramel! But it dared to think bigger, be bolder. The Twix Bar pushed itself to new heights, knowing the extent of its full potential. And because of that, it brought to the world a dazzling flavor combination unlike any other cookie. Not salty and sweet like your neighborhood Snickers, but BLAND and sweet.
“Bland?” I hear you asking. “She thinks that’s a GOOD thing??? Has this bitch lost her mind??? “
No she hasn’t.
Bland and sweet is the perfect flavor combination because the bland dulls the sweet, it balances it out. Instead of feeling overpowering, the sweet feels intentional, necessary. And the snacker, in turn, feels appreciative. “Thank you, Twix Bar,” you think. “You’ve lifted my mood and consequently changed my life.”
Imagine, if you will, a Milky Way Bar. Nougat topped with caramel??? You’re overloaded with sweetness! You return from what could have been a luxurious and satisfying snacking experience with nothing but a headache, nausea, and hatred in your heart. “I’m going to break up with my boyfriend!” You think. Oh no…
But with a Twix Bar, you don’t just get an optimal flavor experience, you also get a textural element that is nothing short of perfection: the crunch. The crunch is what elevates the Twix Bar. It becomes a sensory experience. You feel the crunch. You hear the crunch. You pull back the string of caramel that trails after the crunch and you think “how is this happening?! Caramel doesn’t crunch!” The Twix Bar has surprised you again.
Other candies have the crunch, of course. But none of them are so glorious as the Twix Bar. You expect the crunch in a Kit Kat or in the CRUNCH bar (where’s the subtlety???), but the Twix Bar catches you off guard. Imagine yourself, now please, biting into a Twix Bar. Your teeth are greeted with the soft coating of chocolate, like a plush comforter for your dental bones. Next, they reach the pillowy layer of caramel that welcomes them in like a hug. And just when you thought there would be nothing but softness ahead, BAM! The Crunch! It surprises you, you’re shocked, but is it jarring? No. It is enlivening, like the sun hitting your eyelids on a lazy morning. It is a gentle reminder of the complexities of life. There is sweetness and softness here, but there are also hard edges; there is also the crunch.
And with the crunch comes the end of a bite. And after only a few more bites, the Twix Bar is gone. And although it is sad, there is so much joy in that moment. You just ate a Twix Bar and don’t you feel fuller, physically and spiritually, for it?
The Twix Bar is a symbol of life in many ways. As we lick our fingertips to complete the journey, we remember that all good things must come to an end. Though we feel changed by the Twix Bar, we can’t have it forever. We’ll take from it what we need and we’ll never forget what brought us there, what lies ahead, and the true beauty inherent in ourselves. How did we get to that point? Well that’s for the Twix Bar to know and you to discover.
So Happy Halloween, readers and Twixheads. Enjoy a Twix Bar this weekend. You must if you read this far.
Here’s a picture of me and my cousin’s new dog whose name, fittingly, is cookie.
That’s all thanks for reading.
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