Afternoon from Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. Some of you may (or more likely may not) have noticed that this newsletter is a bit delayed this week. That’s because I was in MIAMI, bitch! I was soaking up the sun! Enjoying the surf and sand and the Vitamin D!!! Am I not allowed to take some time to myself to rest and relax?!??!?!?!!! GET OFF MY BACK!!! Just kidding, absolutely no one commented on my delay. I’m just creating drama because I want to and I crave it.
It was a lovely weekend of swimming and warmth and aloe vera. Coincidentally, this weekend was also the Ultra Music Festival so every member of gen z bought neon crop tops and showed up at the same time presumably do coke and scream? What do you do at Ultra? My friends and I mostly just lounged around and beached and ate and a particular highlight from the eating portion of the trip was when one of our servers tried to become… something more.
Explanation:
We were sitting down to eat brunch at a leisurely 11am. Our server introduced himself as Franklin and he was nice, friendly. He had a cute smile and seemed to enjoy our presences well enough. I decided to order the “eggs scrambled your way” but I made a silly when I asked if “your way” meant I could get the eggs as an omelette. Franklin looked at me and said definitively, “No.” Everyone laughed because clearly, the eggs were gonna be scrambled! It said so on the menu! Oh well, that’s just Lily; she can’t read! We all sighed as Franklin collected our menus and as the moment was passing, he turned directly to me and said “it’s not your way” then vanished.
DAMN!!!!! Franklin absolutely skewered me!!! “It’s not your way?” He was right as hell!! He rly did get me good and it was funny! I laughed.
The food arrived and truthfully he did forget a lot of critical items like silverware and the toast he assured us came with our eggs, but we forgave him because, did you hear that roast? Hilarious!!!
When the check came, Franklin found one more opportunity to get my ass. He told us to pick a number between one and ten and whoever got the number was gonna have to pay for the bill!!! We all guessed and I ended up picking correctly (though I had a feeling I would have been chosen even if I hadn’t gotten the number right), but in the spirit of friendship, we were all gonna split it. He took all four of our credit cards then sorted through them to find mine and said “You’re paying!” then POINTED at me and laughed the most classic “haha!” I’ve ever heard.
Once again: DAMN!!!! This one was like... a little mean though? Why u gotta bully me Franklin :/ Still, he was a king and we had to respect the effort.
He took all four credit cards because, as displayed by his “haha” he was clearly joking :). When the receipts returned, we discovered that everyone was charged evenly but MINE was the only receipt that had an instagram handle and a handwritten “thanks :)” HE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME!!!!! I say once more: DAMN!!!!!!!!
When in Miami, indulge in your waiter’s silly games (that’s the saying right?), so my friends and I gave him a follow, but that was where EVERYTHING went wrong. Franklin was about to get hit with the hard truth: it was evidently clear from one look at my instagram that I am in a loving, committed relationship and also, my bio outs me as gay. I didn’t know how my boyfriend Franklin would take this information, but knowing how easygoing he is, I doubted it would be an issue.
Turns out I was WRONG! He accepted our follow requests but only followed my STRAIGHT friends back!!! He did NOT FOLLOW ME!!! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME!!! HOMOPHOBIC DAMN!!!!!
I screamed just as loud as those sentences sound when I discovered this news. It was crushing. I liked him, I trusted him, I let him playfully tease me! And for him fo then betray me in this way was just so disappointing. I thought you were better than that Franklin. I really did.
Ultimately, I rescinded my follow because he does NOT deserve my clicks but I hope his flirtation with a queer woman has opened his heart and will lead him away from his prejudiced ways. Until then, stay humble, king.
That’s all! Here’s a picture from the weekend, what a gift the ocean is!!!
Thanks for reading!!!