Hey all you sexy bankers and bank-theys, TD Bank here reminding you that it’s June, and June can only mean one thing: your credit card bill is due! Just kidding, it’s PRIDE!! And also, your credit card bill is due. Saw that you bought eight rainbow margaritas last weekend, love that for you girlie!!!
We’re not here to talk about business though, don’t worry. We’re here to celebrate, because pride is a celebration. A celebration of equality, of individuality, of the fact that you only owe $90 in overdraft fees, which is a lot better than last month!
We know that this year, pride is more complicated than ever. Across the country, queer folk’s rights are being stripped away. Vocal minorities are influencing people in power. And just existing in public has never felt more dangerous. When we heard about these things in the last six months, we were horrified. So we decided, right then and there, to increase the size of the rainbow stickers we put on our buildings. Representation matters.
It’s a difficult time in America, but the TD Bank staff is here for you. Our friendly and professional bank tellers are well-equipped to handle any concern you may have, financial or otherwise. Don’t believe us? Here’s one of our best employees, Todd, helping a client figure out how they’re going to tell their last five sexual partners that they have chlamydia.
Many people think that we’re just a “corporation” looking to capitalize off a shallow definition of “gay pride” for our own benefit. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth; we care about people! That’s why, in the summer of 2020, we stopped investing in private prisons after thousands of people begged us to.
And we care about you, gayboy! We see you out there partying and going to drag brunch and buying poppers on a weeknight. Live mama! And it’s because we care about you that we’re sending you this message about your overdraft fees. You really can’t let this happen again or we will have to take your credit card away. So pay those bills, ok?! Slay boots!!!
From all of us here at TD Bank, happy pride. Stay safe and sunscreened out there and don’t forget to check out our tent in the West Village during the NYC parade! We’ll have rainbow pens that don’t work. Pop off!!!!!