Well, readers, it happened. A long weekend made me forget the days of the week and because of that, you did not receive an email from me yesterday. BUT fear not, I’m back! See? I’m right here! Look at me! Look!!!
As the old adage goes, better late than never and I’m sure you’re all thinking that as you’re letting out a huge sigh of relief to learn that I’m totally fine, just silly and forgetful like all of us and that makes me completely adorable!!!! Ok now STOP looking at me, STOP I’m blushing!!!
Ok now please continue looking at me because I haven’t even gotten into my thoughts for this week. There’s honestly not a lot to report which is ultimately good and probably why I even have time to do this newsletter in general. I’ve been going into the office for work which is a fun change of pace (cue the early pandemic days when people were saying “I never thought I’d MISS the office!!!!!”). I was never someone who loved working from home. I found it difficult, distracting, isolating, and quite frankly boring :) so I jumped on the opportunity to go back into the office when I had the chance.
And it’s been great! I’m thrilled to be out of the house and to have a sense of routine again, buuuut I absolutely forgot about all the social dynamics of being in an office. The entrances, the exits, the small talk, the pauses, the scaring someone on your way into the bathroom because they were exiting the bathroom when you were entering and then you laugh about it, but you’re also like, I don’t know you that well so are you laughing now but you’re secretly pissed at me for being so awkward and is this small interaction gonna change the way you think about me or will I just think about it for days and you’ll completely forget about it in an instant? Is this #relatable??!?!
I have my fair share of social anxiety and I am an introvert at heart, these things I know and I’ve appreciated the alone time I’ve gotten in the last year and a half. But what really surprised me was how quickly I forgot about all these strange social interactions. The awkwardness that — I must remind myself — is normal in an office setting, was one of the first things to slip my mind when we moved back home (probably because I hated it so much).
I also forgot how MANY things made me anxious! How easy it was to spiral when I’m around other people! And maybe that’s a me thing (again, being #vulnerable to my readers, so brave of me, plz don’t cry I’m not a hero). I forgot how frequently I overthought small interactions, how if I stumbled on a phrase or said something weirdly, I worried that it would change my coworkers’ opinions of me. But it is normal and no one besides me is ever thinking that much about my actions. In fact, you guys probably didn’t even realize this email is a day late. *shrug emoji*
I guess this is another example of how you do never really leave high school or maybe that’s not the conclusion, maybe the conclusion is that I just need to remember what I’ve learned in therapy and calm tf down. Either way, I’m still happy to be there, feeling however I’m feeling. Keeps me on my toes.
You guys, I have to be honest, it’s almost 11pm on Thursday and I’m freaking tired. I think that’s all I have to discuss this week, but if you experience similar feelings, do please tell me. It’s always nice to remember I’m not the only spiraler out in the world (and how could I be, the earth SPIRALS on an axis doesn’t it?!?! I guess it spins. Fuck this joke is RUINED).
Thanks 4 reading, here’s an adorable picture from my darling Kristina’s bday last weekend. She turned 16, it was weird that we brought her to a club at night but she was cool w it, what a champion. :’)
And here’s one for my vanity, I liked our fits!!!
Goodnight and godbless
<3
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