Congrats on Running a Marathon But Did You Have to Do it on the Day I Was Returning a Rental Car?
DID YOU?! Why :(
Last weekend, I was invited to a photoshoot just for the vibes. A friend of mine was modeling some ‘fits for another friend’s clothing line and I was invited to come because they needed someone particularly beautiful with effortless elegance and inherently photogenic features to inspire the other models. I was happy to oblige. I canceled all my other modeling gigs (I could afford to not work for one weekend because another thing about me is that I’m insanely rich in addition to being beautiful) and I rushed down to Montauk.
Thank god I was there!! The shoot would have been an absolute flop without me. At every new location, the photographer was like “Can we get Lily in here to show people how it’s SUPPOSED to be done?!?!” And then I would walk over and pose and everyone would pass out from the power of my beauty (in retrospect, that whole ordeal ate up a lot of time, but still it was worth it, necessary even).
When the weekend was over, I had to cart the normies back to NYC in a rental car from Enterprise (who genuinely are on my shit list at this point, more to come) and when we got back into Brooklyn, I was appalled and disappointed to see that the marathon was happening on the very day I was trying to return this car. Ummmm you couldn’t have waited?!? You decide to close every single road in the borough on this EXACT day??? After I just gave so much of myself for FREE?? Disgraceful.
Driving through marathon traffic was truly a nightmare. There was complete chaos on the roads, utter lawlessness. People were making U-turns into oncoming traffic, they were honking at the traffic lights, one truck driver fully ran over those cones in the middle of the street — knowing full well he was crossing lanes — and then got pissed at me for being on the right side of the road??? It was hell.
I should mention that I was scheduled to drop off the car 20 minutes before the arrival time (because I’m not only beautiful and rich, I’m also punctual and amazing), but this traffic made me late and for that I blame whichever uggos decided to run for four stupid hours. Again I ask: could you not have waited.
By the time we got to Enterprise, we were actually only five minutes late, but the place was freaking CLOSED even though online they said there would be a 30 minute grace period for late arrivals. I’m sorry but what the fuck. I then called Enterprise and they were like “don’t worry sexy, you can return the car to another location which opens at five.” That reassured me particularly because they could tell how hot I was just through my voice.
We then had to drive BACK through marathon traffic to get home; it should have taken 15 minutes but ended up taking close to an hour and it was absolute misery. Could those runners not have run their stupid marathon alongside the cars? It’s like, life isn’t always about you!!!!
Finally, we parked, ate lunch, collected ourselves and by that point it was time to drop off the car back at Enterprise. But, when we go to the other Enterprise location, they informed us that they WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FIT US because we weren’t scheduled to drop the car off there. I………… was furious. I called Enterprise AGAIN to complain that they had absolutely lied to me but all they did was just transfer me and after I explained the situation three times, each person was just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess we did lie huh, sorry sexy. Ultimately, I had to drive the car BACK to my neighborhood, struggle to find parking AGAIN, then return the car to the original location at 7:30 the next morning. It was very disrespectful particularly because they should have known that when I don’t get a full 10 hours of beauty sleep, I look like Oscar the Grouch. And when I showed up to the Enterprise with green skin, driving inside of a trash can, they freaked out, and I thought that was very rude.
Ultimately the weekend as a whole was wonderful and lovely but my experience of driving during the marathon was hell on earth. It was almost as scary as when a shark tried to eat me in Montauk (see below). Thank god I made it out alive in both settings
That’s all of this week, thanks for listening to my tale of woe and for telling me I looked beautiful while typing this. I so appreciate the fact that those words left your mouth after you finished each sentence :)
Till next time
❤️❤️❤️