Juni was absolutely brutalized for having warts on his hands. What did this poor kid do to deserve it, huh? Absolutely nothing! He was a SPY for god’s sake who could save the world with his high-tech gadgets and STILL the kids at school picked on him for having warts on his hands. If Juni Cortez could not catch a break, what hope is there for the rest of us?
I ask this because I, as some of you may know, have recently developed a wart on my foot. STOP FREAKING OUT. It is NOT as gnarly as it sounds and certainly nowhere near as gnarly as Juni’s busted hands (omg sorry Juni that just slipped out, you’re perfect). When I discovered this news I was shocked because how do you even get warts?? Isn’t that a kid thing? Why didn’t anyone tell me that kissing that frog be a bad idea, this sorta seems like it’s SOCIETY’S fault not mine????
I’ve never had a wart in my life apart from the many I had as a child. Let me tell you something: they HURT. Juni honestly needs to stop being a little bitch, at least he didn’t have to walk on his wart all day (shit, sorry again Juni that just came out). Why would warts even exist on feet? Don’t they know that means they feel constant pressure, every day? Doesn’t really sound fun for you, babe.
Another fun detail is that the only way to take care of your warts it to have a dermatologist in the Upper East Side freeze it off with liquid nitrogen. Did you hear that? A frozen gas is literally blasted into a hole in your foot until it closes up and then blisters like crazy. And then you have to do it AGAIN for… who knows how many months??? Again, I ask: who thought of this? What sick, twisted scientist is like “you know what might be fun? Remember those little bumps that frogs and toads have all over their bodies that are really disgusting? What if we gave those to humans LOL” (that’s right, humans were created by SCIENTISTS. Take that creationists).
Seriously though, what purpose do they have? I guess, what purpose does any disease have, really? Wait, do you mean to tell me that some of our modern afflictions are NOT natural? That a combination of overpopulation and environmental contamination caused by companies exploiting natural resources for profit plus a history of colonization and government negligence is actually what got people sick???
Oof! That got a little bit too existential there! What we were talking about was my fucked up wart and how Juni is a whiny little fuckhead (Ah! What has gotten into me!!! So sorry again Juni).
Life sure do be life-ing these days and ultimately, I am getting doing my best to get by and remember to put on my little wart band-aids just like my stupid friend Juni (UGH!!!)
Here’s a video to represent the worst feature of my wart: the fact that it actively bullies me. wtf.
Thanks for reading, hope spring is bringing you as much joy as it is me :’) (earnest moment)
Love!!!!!!!